Musings, Essays & Articles

Who doesn’t!

What is the lure of pirates – apart from the drop-dead gorgeous Johnny Depp, of course, in his creative role as that scallywag Jack Sparrow (sorry, Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow.) Mention pirates and the eyes begin to twinkle, a smile broadens. An "Arrrhhh" escapes the lips. Old, young, women, men; boys girls… Given the choice of dressing as a pirate or a wizard for a fancy dress party, I would wager the outright winner would be the pirate every time.

Why? Is it the romance of a Golden Age long past or the dream of sun-kissed islands washed by the hush of a sparkling blue sea? The bravado, the sheer couldn’t-care-less, up-yours attitude of pirates? The treasure, the rum? The freedom? Ah, the freedom! Pirates were a democratic lot, they did not concern themselves with officers, they elected their captain and marooned him if he turned out to be useless. As many of them did. The crew as a whole discussed where their next piratical cruise would be, scrupulously shared the resulting plundered booty and had rules, even if those rules were more like guidelines. Marooning was a favoured way of disposal – walking the plank, sadly, does not seem to have an existence beyond Peter Pan and Treasure Island. Marooning was not killing, the victim had a chance to survive; Pirates were fussy like that. He was put ashore with a keg of water, a pistol and shot. When the water was gone he could shoot himself. Suicide was not murder, no one took the blame except for the unfortunate victim. All very tidy.

The original Robinson Crusoe was marooned, a real man in real history, Andrew Selkirk. Although strictly speaking he was not marooned, nor was he a pirate. Selkirk disapproved of the captain, claimed the ship was badly run and chose to disembark at an island off the coast of Chile. He was right about the ship. It sank. He miscalculated the marooning bit though. It was four years before another ship sailed by, the story did Daniel Defoe a good turn, though.

I wonder if he had an agent? "Look Daniel, I want you to write something for the younger readers, something with a bit of fantasy in it. Robinson Potter…"

My agent, when I told her I was going to write a pirate novel for adults insisted I write it for teenagers. At one point, after being scathing about my submitted draft, she exclaimed, "It isn’t for boys!"

No it wasn’t. I don’t know many boys. I don’t know what boys read.– I don’t even particularly like boys… (sorry lads – I have a daughter you see…)

Patiently I explained women read pirate novels. Young women who still think the world is coloured a rosy pink and they can change a rogue into Prince Charming, and us older women of middle years who are too short sighted to see anything anyway, but who still dream of finding our hero one day. I agree, at our age we ought to know better – but come on, we are talking pirates here!

My pirate came to me on a rain-swept beach in Dorset. Having nothing better to do while on holiday I had decided to research the reality of pirates. The movie Pirates of the Caribbean – the Curse of the Black Pearl was fun, but I was a writer of serious historical fiction, my novels meticulously researched, written as "what might have really happened". Wanting to know the facts about pirates niggled.

Surprisingly, much of the Disney movie is accurate - leaving out the cursed treasure, skeletons, the magic compass, the fact that Port Royal had virtually been abandoned for Kingston, across the harbour, after an earthquake in 1692. What the heck! Pirates really were a drunken, flamboyant lot of rogues who lusted for rum, treasure and the nearest strumpet. Not necessarily in that order. The Royal Navy, once it finally got its act together circa 1720 because lucrative trade was being disrupted, hunted the pirates down and hanged them. Pyrates ye be warned. Blackbeard was a fiercesome tyrant, Captain Kid was hanged at Wapping, Jack Rackham sailed with two female pirates, Anne Bonney and Mary Read. Rackham was hanged, Mary died of jail fever and Anne Bonney was released because she was pregnant. No one knows what happened to her after that. If Rackham and his men had not been drunk below deck, had they possessed the guts to fight, they might not have been caught. As it was, the girls fired their pistols and slashed with their cutlasses. The trinkets and fine clothes, the swaggering manner, all real. Johnny Depp is quoted as saying pirates were the rock stars of their time. Yes, but without the money. Most pirates didn’t make their fortune and were a poor, scurvy and syphilis -riddled lot. Most were unwashed, unkempt scoundrels who chewed tobacco, drank whatever they could get their hands on and fornicated as if there was no tomorrow. Hmm, perhaps Mr Depp was right. Sounds like a rock star after all.

A few pirates made it to the top. Captain Henry Jennings was one. He used his brain, cunning and daring. When a Spanish treasure fleet went down off the coast of Florida, unlike the other pirates who flocked to the scene like sharks to blood, Jennings waited for the Spanish to do all the hard work of salvaging the treasure, then calmly raided the warehouse and sailed off with a fortune in his hold. He retired to the Bahamas and lived in style, no doubt to a ripe old age. The poetic licence of writing fiction gives leave to blatantly plunder reality. In Sea Witch, its my pirate who steals the treasure. Although Jennings is there as his side-kick.

I created my plot on that beach in Dorset. The female lead was to be a healer and a midwife – and a white witch. Tiola Oldstagh, an anagram of ‘all that is good.’ Although I did not want Harry Potter-like spells. She would be more of a gifted wise woman an Obi wan Kenobi type who could manipulate the Force. There would be a cold-hearted older brother who had bullied my pirate as a boy causing him to run away to sea, the older brother therefore taking all the inheritance. The pirate, of course, would seek revenge but meanwhile after a fight and a near fatal wound he was to meet and fall in love with Tiola. Until the sea, piracy and the chance of commandeering a beautiful ship – Sea Witch - grew too strong.

I had my location, my plot, my secondary characters. I sat on a rock in the rain and looked at the leaden grey English Channel and saw the Caribbean. (I have a good imagination) I looked up. There he was, about a hundred yards away. Battered three cornered hat, jaw line beard, trailing moustache and blue ribbons fluttering from a chaos of black curls tumbling to his shoulders. Long, faded, buckram coat, a cutlass at his hip. He turned, I saw the glint of a golden acorn dangling from one ear. He saluted me, a quick, casual, touch of one finger to the brim of his hat.

"Hello Jesamiah Acorne," I said.

I imagined him, but he seemed real enough at the time and has remained real ever since. I admit it, I am head over heels in love with my pirate. I began to write furiously, even writing on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day – Jesamiah was about to be drowned in a storm, I couldn’t leave him to the mercy of the sea and the clutch of the elemental spirit of the sea, Tethys, even if I was supposed to be cooking Christmas Dinner and making merry with party hats and Christmas crackers.

But my agent did not like the name Acorne. She did not like Jesamiah. Did not like my story being a very adult but fun, pirate yarn for us grown-ups. Women, she said, do not read pirate novels. Pirates are for boys. The Pirates of the Caribbean movie was made for families, for boys. ‘You have got it wrong, your target audience does not exist.’ She said.

I wondered; has she heard of Jack Sparrow?

Obviously not.

To be fair, even Disney did not realise what they had in Johnny Depp’s creation of Sparrow at first. He knew how to play the character to interest us ladies. As I know my Jesamiah will. I’m sorry if that sounds big-headed, but I’ve turned pirate and pirates, above all else, were cock-sure believers in themselves.

It might sound daft, but I have gained so much confidence since my Jesamiah arrived on the scene. Rile me and all I have to do is think of him; 5’10, all man. The hiss of his cutlass sliding from the scabbard. Does wonders for the personal moral, having your very own pirate guardian angel walking around with you.

Pirate fever is now sweeping the movie world again with the long awaited sequel to the first Pirates of the Caribbean film. Dead Man’s Chest hit the big screen in July 2006 and hit our hearts and pockets, with a third as yet unnamed film planned for 2007. The majority of the audience will be women. Can I repeat that for my ex-agent? The majority of the audience will be women!Pirate jewellery and accessories are a must have. Trinkets in the hair, a pirate swagger. Who needs an England flag on their car? I have the Jolly Roger on mine.

Despite my agent Sea Witch has been published. Agent and I parted company. I mentally made her walk the plank and then fired a broadside at mainstream publishers who showing only a half-hearted interest in something that was not a multi-million selling footballers biography or a kiss and tell gossip story by an ex- m.p, indicated they could not publish, should they accept it, until 2008 at the earliest. But we want pirates now! I don’t want my pirate to be a hanger-on at the back of an overcrowded bandwagon; my Jesamiah is a Captain, I want him to be steering the wagon up there alongside "that Sparrer’ Feller" as my Jes calls him.

Either the best or the stupidest thing I have ever done. I self published through BookForce UK, a print on demand sister company to BookSurge USA, a subsidiary of Amazon.com and .co.uk. A helpful, friendly company - and more efficient and enthusiastic then my ex-publisher ever was. This is not vanity publishing, I am an experienced, proven author. Sea Witch is my sixth adult novel. The finished book looks fabulous, down to the quality paper and the more user-friendly font I chose to use, which us poor old things and dyslexics can read with ease. I have received a fantastic on-line launch from www.keeptothecode.com, the official Disney fan website, and I am trying to work out how to get a copy to Mr Depp, for as the quote on the front cover says; "In the Sexiest Pirate contest Jesamiah Acorne gives Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow a run for his money " (Sharon Penman).  My Jes, Johnny Depp and Jack Sparrow all in one sentence. Gosh!

And what’s more, only a week after publication, I was nominated for an award by the Talk Like A Pirate Day website. Apparently they like the fact I have turned pirate against Agents and stick-in-the-mud Publishers, who aren't interested in books that are a darn good read but cannot be guaranteed to become Harry Potter/da Vinci Code look-alike instant best sellers.

<- The Flying Dutchman Award for Pirattitude ->

Now that, along with a bottle of rum and a cutlass (essential equipment for pirates), both Jesamiah and I have by the boat-load!